The CEO and The Oil Man

(With sincere apologies to Lewis Carroll)












The Brokers were smiling on Wall Street,
Smiling with all their might:
They did their very best to make
The market seem smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The President was hiding sulkily,
Because he thought that Paulson
Had got no business to be there
After the trading day was done--
"It's very rude of him," he said,
"To come and spoil my fun!"

Banks were as cold as cold could be,
Their loans had all run dry.
You could not see a rising stock, because
No stock could rise:
No analysts were predicting crash
“There was no crash,” they lied.

The CEO and Oil Man
Were walking hand in hand;
They wept like anything to see
Their unregulated market end:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would still be grand!"

"If seven Democrats with seven votes
Taxed us for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Oil Man said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the CEO,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Tax Payers, come and walk with us!"
The Oil Man did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along your town’s main street:
We cannot employ you anymore,
Nor give Medicare to each."

The eldest worker looked at him,
But could only mouth a moan:
The eldest worker winked his eye,
And his head dropped in his palm
Because he knew he could not afford
To keep his mortgaged home.

But four young Workers hurried up,
Eagerly clapping hands;
Their ties were red, their buttons said,
“We love our fellow man.”
And this was odd, because, you know,
They voted Republican.

Four other Workers followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
These were the ranks of Evangelists,
All born again for sure.

The CEO and Oil Man
Walked on a mile or so,
And then checked into a top hotel
A penthouse, don’t you know?
And all the little Republicans stood
On the street below.

"The time has come," the Oil Man said,
"To talk of our investments:
Of arms--and gas--and Swiss accounts--
Of yachts--and retirements--
And why the good old days are gone--
And how to get the last few cents."

"But wait a bit," the Workers cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For most of us are out of cash,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the CEO.
They thanked him much for that.

"A piece of cake," the Oil Man said,
"Is what you chiefly need:
Some salt and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now say, “Goodbye” Workers dear,
We’ll now take our leave."

"But not of us!" the Workers cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After fighting your wars, that would be
A greedy thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Oil Man said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to work for us!
So very hard and long!"
The CEO said nothing but
"I think I’ll fly to Bali, want to come along?”
I’ve bought a mansion on the beach,
I got it for a song!"

"It seems a shame," the Oilman said,
"To play them such a trick,
Tell them it was right to buy and buy,
And patriotic to be in debt!"
The CEO said nothing but
"Social programs make me sick!"

"I agree with you," the Oil Man said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sent a memo,
“Fire everyone in sight!”
Then held his pocket-handkerchief
Before his gleaming eyes.

"O Workers," said the CEO,
"You've had a pleasant run!
I don’t suppose you’d like to buy?'
One more Hummer, son?
But no one answered him, of course,
For they’d ruined every one.