Conversations with God about his Decalogue

The First Two Commandments

I was chatting with God the other morning and it occurred to me to wonder what he thought about his commandments these days. After all it has been over 2000 years since he handed them over at Mt. Sinai and a lot has happened since then. So, I decided to ask him if I could go over them with him. “Sure,” he said, “Might do some good to review at this point. I want you to pass along what I tell you accurately though. No spin, right?”
Being concerned that I might mess up if I relied on my 66 year old memory, I asked if I could tape our discussion. He agreed and here is the transcript.

Me: So, do you feel like these commandments are all still relevant?
God: Of course. Obviously most of the wording is out of date now and what folks have made of them since then is astonishing. But they are still pretty good advice.
Me: Right… Ah, so can we take a look at the wording a bit in order to understand precisely what you wanted? Maybe start with number one.
God: What don´t you understand about "not having any gods before me?" That one still seems clear to me.
Me: Hmmm.
God: Go on. I won´t bite. Although, I might send locust down on you. (chuckles.)
Me: Well… An awful lot of believers that seem to think other believers got the wrong God. For instance, we have Catholics and Baptists and Muslims and Jews and… you know how long the list is?
God: Enough to give you a headache isn´t it? Look, whether they know it or not, everyone who worships me has the “right god.” OK? I suppose I could clarify it a bit by saying, ´allow no substitute for god.´
Me: I am not sure that solves the problem. What would be a substitute? I mean I am pretty sure the Baptists are still going to think the Jews are missing the boat because they worship you and not Christ. And the Baptists are sure to think Mohammad is a substitute. Even Catholics might wonder if Jesus is a substitute, he is sort of god too, right? See, I am getting more confused just trying to express the problem.
God: Yeah. Makes you kinda humble, doesn´t it? Good!
Listen. Here´s the deal. It really doesn´t matter if people worship me in one form or another. Or even many forms, like those folks who think I am the sun and moon. The point is to recognise something larger, deeper, and more profoundly meaningful than your own bodily existence. And, for my sake, stop worshiping money and cars and each other! That is what inspired the second commandment - all these holy men running around praying to golden bulls, giving out blessings and curses, and kissing the breasts of young girls carved in elephant tusk. Remember, I can see into your hearts and minds. I know what is being idolized and most of the time it ain´t yours truly.
Me: I see. So why not say, ah… Hmm.. It is difficult isn´t it. Finding just the right words that can´t be misunderstood.
God: Not a bad insight for a mortal. Good for you. Take your time.
Me: Let´s see. How about, "only worship me directly - not words or things." I guess that is really one and two put together, isn´t it? And if we combined them you wouldn´t have ten anymore.
God: Yep. That´s OK, I may decide to add a few more commandments anyway and we don´t want it to become a book of laws, do we. Instead of holy men interpreting them, you´d have law firms getting involved. And when that happens, I am out of here. I feel your wording lacks poetry, but it goes in the right direction. Yep, I think merging the first two is cool. I was never entirely happy with my 2nd commandment from the beginning. I didn´t intend to shut down imagination and creativity, simply to get priestesses to stop cutting off men´s genitals and planting them in the ground by a statue of a pregnant crocodile or priests to stop breaking the backs of the poor by making them cut and pile huge blocks of stone ever higher for less than minimum wage. I mean, I love works of art but it gives me heartburn to see how many people suffered to build those Pyramids and that Sistine immensity in Rome. And then to make Michaelangelo paint the ceiling! Did you know he went blind doing it?
Me: I see what you mean. How about I work on it and get back to you.
God: Trying to be a prophet are you?
Me: Good God, no! I mean, Please God? Believe me I don´t. I was only... I mean, I didn´t... I wasn´t...
God: Oh, go ahead. I don´t mind. Just don´t publish as My Word without My final edits and approval. OK?
Me: Yes, sir.