Conversations with God about his Decalogue

The Seventh Commandment

I have to tell you, having a conversation with God is never easy! There I was, walking down the street when suddenly this loud “voice” in my head asked me if I was ‘ready to tackle seven and eight?’ I almost tripped over my own feet.
When I finally found a little balance I whispered that I was on the street and that people could ‘hear me!’
Did this stop God? Ha!

God: So, don’t talk, just think.
Me: (Thinking to myself) Right. You can hear my thoughts. This is weird though. How am I going to concentrate on thinking this conversation and thinking about the topic and staying aware of where I am walking all at the same time?
God: Feeling limited? Can’t split your awareness, walk and talk at the same time? How are you at chewing gum and walking? (Laughter)
Me: Ok, ok. I’ll see what I can do. But I am going to stop and have a coffee while we do this.
God: OK.
Me: (Having sat down at a nice little café by the town square and ordered a mei de leite) OK. I guess I am not sure why number seven is a commandment. Is it that consensual sex without the approval of the state or religion is a sin?
God: Why would I care if the state or some religion approves?
Me: Hey, that’s my question.
God: No.
Me: Well, then it must be because marriage is a sacred relationship? Not a contract by the state or a religious ceremony, right?
God: Essentially you are on the right track. What do you think makes it a sacred relationship?
Me: The vows?
God: OK.
Me: But the vows people make can vary quite a bit. Let’s see, they generally agree to love each other. And, I guess, to protect and care for. Some ask to obey the other. Many suggest that the woman belongs to the man.
God: I know. Actually, you just scratched the surface of some of the things people vow when they get married.
Me: Do any actually vow to be monogamous?
God: Actually, a very rare few come close but most do not actually address sexual behavior directly.
Me: Yeah. Well, what is the essence? Loving and caring for?
God: Yes, that is good.
Me: So, somehow, having an affair would be not loving or not caring for? That doesn’t necessarily seem true. Wait a minute. Before we get into adultery, do you really want people to obey each other and for wives to be the husband’s property?
God: No. Definitely not.
Me: I am glad to hear that. Now, (Pause while I drink) I don’t get it. I am single. If I have sex with a married woman am I committing adultery? I mean, I know she is but am I?
God: Probably. Are you sure you are single?
Me: Hmmm. I am divorced. I consider myself single.
God: I see. And what about the vows you made.
Me: I tried, I really did. It seemed, still seems, to me that I was hurting her without meaning to. It seemed as if I could not take those vows seriously. And she seemed incapable of it as well.
God: So, the vows were not realistic?
Me: Right. I doubt if either of us could have kept them and remained true to our own natures.
God: You believe the problem was with the vows not yourself.
Me: Well, I guess I feel it was both.
God: Good. Did you commit adultery?
Me: Yes.
God: By breaking your vows?
Me: Yes… Well, maybe not entirely. I felt bad about the lying. I didn’t actually feel bad about having sex with someone else. You know, I don’t think I ever swore to be monogamous.
God: So, what was the lie?
Me: What is this, psychoanalysis?
God: Do you want to find a couch to lie on?
Me: Very funny. OK. The lie was… It was… about something unstated, I guess. You know, I was brought up to feel guilty about sex all the time. Even in marriage it made me feel a little guilty in those days. Like I was doing something “dirty.” Sex isn’t a sin, is it? It isn’t suppose to make us feel guilty, is it? I mean, just where do you stand in all this, anyway!
God: Why are you angry?
Me: I… I am angry because I feel betrayed. I feel like you gave me this ability to enjoy a wonderful, intimate, highly pleasurable action and then made me feel bad about it. It feels, felt, as if I almost had no choice about doing it. I felt driven by my body and emotions to make love with a woman and then I felt as if I was suppose to control it or deny it. It felt like a trap. Surely, that isn’t what you intended?
God: No, it isn’t.
Me: Sex is necessary. The way you set it up. If not for sex we wouldn’t have children, wouldn’t be here?
God: Right.
Me: So, what is all this crap about marriage? What use does it serve? Why is it important to be monogamous?
God: Why not drink a some of that coffee and take a deep breath. (I do both) Let us reason together. You have a great deal of life experience. What reasonable purpose do you suppose having one man and one woman come together in a union?
Me: To raise children, certainly. And, to provide comfort and aid to one another in times of difficulty. To give friendship and unconditional emotional support. I have experienced that, occasionally.
God: Good.
Me: But isn’t it possible to give that to another without also being exclusively monogamous?
God: What do you think?
Me: I think it is but I guess it is rare. I tried to do it in my second marriage and mostly succeeded but in the end it didn’t work. She left me mostly because she wanted sex with someone else and couldn’t have that and stay in the marriage. I tried to tell her I didn’t care if she had sex, as long as she loved me. She felt that meant I didn’t love her, I think. And I, well, I also didn’t feel I could fill her needs sexually. Oh, my. This is no fun at all. I feel awful trying to work this out.
God: I know. Why?
Me: It hurts.
God: Why?
Me: I did love her. And I feel like I was inadequate to…
God: To what?
Me: Sort out what I felt was real from illusion. See, this issue seems to me at the heart of the most horrible aspects of the human condition. I sometimes think it is behind war and greed and sadism and all sorts of awful human behaviors. I think most people are driven to most of what they do by messed up sexual desires.
God: Go on.
Me: It seems to me that most of the harm I personally have caused in this life can be traced to my sexual drive. And most of the suffering I have felt came from it. Wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have so many emotions and desires and rules about it… Well, if we could just treat it like other natural instincts like eating and sleeping? Wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t call it ‘making love?’
God: Yes. It would.
Me: What?
God: I Agree, it would.
Me: Than why do we have this commandment?
God: Because adultery is a betrayal of love.
Me: You mean marriage?
God: I mean love!
Me: So, marriage isn’t a contract or a ceremony, it is a loving relationship between a man and woman?
God: That’s pretty good.
Me: So, what has monogamy got to do with it?
God: Not much.
Me: What! Isn’t that the definition of adultery – sex outside of marriage? Isn’t marriage only between one man and one woman? Or do you mean those Mormons have it right?
God: Not what I said.
Me: Hmmm. I think I’ll have another cup of coffee. (I get the waiter’s attention and order again. Then I laugh) I wonder what he’d think if he could hear this conversation?
God: I wouldn’t share it with him if I were you.
Me: No. I guess not. What is marriage anyway?
God: It is a sacred love pairing.
Me: Hmmm. Say, can a person be married, by your definition and not have sex?
God: Of course.
Me: I got it! It isn’t about sex necessarily?
God: Good.
Me: Then why the commandment about adultery?
God: Sort of pleased with yourself, aren’t you? What happened to that wonderful humility you were exhibiting last time?
Me: Ah, right. I am sorry. But I don’t get it. Why forbid adultery if marriage isn’t about sex?
God: Good question. Should I tell you?
Me: No, that’s ok, let me try to figure it out. (While I am thinking, my second coffee comes and I take a sip) Let’s see. Adultery is a ‘betrayal of love.’ Hmmm.. Is there some other way to commit adultery than having sex? You betray love by purposely hurting the other. If I lie to my wife or treat her with disrespect or do something with someone else that causes them to disrespect her… That’s betrayal. Is all that adultery? Is it?
God: It can be.
Me: Ok. I haven’t quite got it yet. But I am close, right?
God: Yes.
Me: It must come down to how we define love? If we define love as sex, then having sex with someone else is betrayal? No. That can’t be it. If we define love as monogamous sex then it is. Wait. This sounds more like a contract than a loving pairing.
God: You need to stop thinking like a lawyer.
Me: Right. Get simple. I betray love with my ‘sacred other’ when I don’t behave lovingly. That seems right.
God: Yes.
Me: So, it really doesn’t have to do with sex, unless my having sex with someone else is unloving?
God: Good.
Me: In fact, having sex with my ‘sacred other’ in an unloving way would be a kind of adultery also!
God: Very good!
Me: In fact, doing anything that betrays our love is a kind of adultery?
God: You shall not commit adultery.
Me: I think this one may need some re-writing.
God: I am listening.
Me: I need to think about this some more.
God: You do.
Me: (Finishing my coffee) I’m not sure I am up to discussing stealing right now. Although, I think it may very well be related to adultery in some meaningful way. Can we do it later? (Long pause) Hello? God?